my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
3pm strippers are depressing
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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