Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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