You can't motorboat a personality
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
