Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
