your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
