im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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