great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
