Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
