somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
