2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
