I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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