Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
