Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
