So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
