Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
