So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
