matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
