U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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