____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
