update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
