Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
