Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
