So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
