Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
