to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
