i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
