I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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