if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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