Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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