So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
