Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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