As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
