I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
