DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how does that bad decision feel?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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