I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
