As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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