I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
