I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
