she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
