he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
