cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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