I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
