i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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