dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
