I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He shit in the fireplace
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
