I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
