Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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