if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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