No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
