her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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