why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
