i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
