4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
