My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
