Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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